Lost and Found

C R O W N S // "All that we've lost; one day will be found"

Losing everything was hard. By my mid-20s, I’d lost my health, a serious relationship, and the ability to do what I love, like work, travel, sing. As the months went by, even the strength to breathe well, walk, and eat escaped me. I lost social contact for long periods of time, and with that, the ability to think and talk normally. 

It was a dark place, but what surprised me was that through it all I’ve gained a tenacious ability to hope. Not the kind that sails into the sky with rainbows, but one crushed in despair a multitude of times and still comes back stronger. I have grasped pain, looked unfazed into its eye, and become clearer about who I am through and despite it.

Life doesn’t end when trouble starts; it ends when hope dies. When there is hope, you edge for the better each time, and hopefully, one day, get to taste a little of that fruit. ‘Crowns’ is a glimpse of that fruit, along with many things that came back in 2016/17 as the divine clock turned its hour. There is still some way to go - but when you’ve lost everything once, a little can taste like heaven. Thankful.

Jean TanComment